Mike Robbins gave a very emotional and powerful presentation this morning that not only moved us, but gave us all permission to change the way we talk to others and about ourselves. The focus? Simply, appreciation. I've heard of and kept graditude journals, but Mike's speech went beyond the keep-it-to-yourself journal by outing the very culture we have in the US that is obsessed with what is next rather than focused on what is going right or what is good in our lives. Then, declared that when we truly appriciate people and what is good, we will see success.
Before he could tell us how to appreciate, he had to walk us through the reasons why it is so hard for us to do in the first place. First up, complaining! As humans we are hard wired to to be wary and we crave drama. Controlling complaints is the first step in re-wiring that cultural and biological habit. Stop complaining, start appreciating, and move toward fixing the problem instead.
Beyond the science, Mike explained that there was a difference between being valued or being appreciated verses getting rewarded. Recognition is based on results and requires on person to be called out over another. Appreciation is about recognizing the value of another person... Not just their actions or results.
Next up, slowing down. We are often so busy focused on what's next, that we don't stoping to connect. Listening is one of the best forms of appreciation and you aren't even doing anything, says Mike. Oh, what a powerful reminder.
Finally, there is a lack of practice in actually telling people we genuinely appreciate them for something. Therefore, we tend to be synical or distrusting, or even feel the need to dismiss the flattery. When I think back to a past training, I recall learning about giving and taking feedback and how uncomfortable it felt to simply say "thank you for the feedback" and then stop talking, and let it go at that. Appreciation is the same way. We need to learned to say thank you, and let it fill us up and take us in. I for one know I could be better about this for sure. Time to start practicing.
So, now we see some of the challenges including; choosing to pay attention, catching yourself in the act of things like complaining or not accepting the appreciation, judging, reacting, and going to fast. So, what can we do? Well, Mike gave us some great tips for giving others appreciation. Most important, get a GPS. That's appriciation that is genuine, specific, and personal. Make it about them, but if you need help, add on how what you appreciate about them impacts or benefits you. Ok, now I'm starting to get it.
Mike didnt stop here.. He gave plenty of examples in amazing and true story format, but I think the last few may have hit us all the hardest (in a good way). He said, It doesn't serve you to hold on to animosity, stop focusing on what annoys you or taking in coworkers with complaints. Get out of the negative space and start listening so you can find the things you should really appreciate. It is true, when the glass is half empty often it is harder for you to fill others or for them to fill yours (ok, Mike used buckets, but being a half empty person myself at times I wanted a bit smaller scale).
He ended of couse with a difficult excersize in self appreciation. One of the hardest things, yet the one that most effects our ability to appreciate others. The more self critical we are the more critical we are of others. It colors your world. So, he says, give yourself permission to appreciate yourself.
So much to appriciate today at this wonderful conference with other amazing leaders. Thank you SMPS for always filling my glass (or bucket...).
If you got more out of this session or any others I blog about please add your thoughts, advice, etc.
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