CPSM Day: Part I Dancing with the Stars

Dancing with the Stars: Mentors, Protégées & You

Janine Moon, Master Certified Career Coach from Career Ownership

Everyone who is on their “A” game has at least one mentor or coach. Think about professional athletes, politicians, etc. Whatever your learning goal, who is your mentor/coach/star? And whose star are you?

We had a bit of a slow start to this session on finding mentors and being better mentors for others. And at 9AM, it was a little difficult to rattle a “star quality” about myself off the top of my head.  What do you do that is outstanding? Unusual? Desirable for your firm/career?

I asked the person next me who knows me from some volunteer things we’ve done together – “What are my strengths?”

She said:

Grace under pressure.

You bring everyone back to a positive/helpful perspective.

And you’re a kick-ass listener.

I had identified “multi-tasking” as my “star quality.” Um… I like what she said better…

When we think about Mentorship, we have these older, traditional beliefs about how it should be:

Traditionally Values/Beliefs About Mentorship

1)      We see mentoring as one-on-one. A single individual helping another individual. Typically the mentor was someone older, higher up the ladder, would tap someone younger/down the ladder, and bring them up.

Our career paths are not assured anymore – there is no clear ladder. The path depends on the value you offer your organization.

2)      Usually someone within the organization

3)      Feel the job of mentor is to open your brain and pour in the information

But that’s not how it is anymore…

Today’s Reality About Mentorship

1)      Time – hardly anyone works a consistent 40-hour week; not the time to bring someone along slowly or on a regular schedule

2)      Economic/geographic differences happening so fast

3)      Technology – can be a barrier to one-on-one interaction; or can be a completely different way to mentor

4)      Generational Values – each generation brings a different set of values about what is important for each individual SHOULD bring to the organization

5)      MUST believe that YOU are unique, and you have TONS of other people who can offer you something valuable

6)      Since there is no clear career path, tap in to ALL the folks around you who can help you

7)      You have a personal brand – if you don’t know what it is (what your value proposition is to the organization), it is a BEAUTIFUL way to engage potential mentors to get their insight/perspective on what “brand” you are putting out there without knowing it

8)      Gives opportunity to juggle multiple opportunities for input/mentors – doesn’t have to be a long-term commitment, either. The folks you meet at a conference can give you a “snapshot in time” mentor moment.

9)      Don’t think mentoring is a linear thing – learning, growth, development happens all around from multiple directions and perspectives. The more we can be aware of those opportunities, and take advantage of them, the better we can progress.

When you’re looking at potential mentors, or thinking about becoming a mentor:

Examine/Assess/Revise – is this interaction doing me any good? Is it getting me where I want to be? How does it serve you to hold on to your current belief(s) about mentoring/development?

So you’ve decided you want a mentor…

1)      What are your current beliefs/expectations about mentorship? Talk about them with others – help to solidify what you are hoping to get out of mentorship-type relationships.

2)      Identify what you are seeking – sometimes by talking to others, you also learn what you DON’T want. Know what you are looking for? Skills? Approaches? Attitude? A different career path? The more specific you are, the more likely you will identify the kinds of mentors who can help you most.

Recruiting

If you know where you are (current beliefs/values), and what you want (goals/aspirations), you can start filling in the gap, and approach the people who can help you fill those gaps.

What is on your wish list? WHO is on your wish list? And if you don’t know a specific name/who, who can you ask about the TYPE of person you want who can pull on their network?

What’s in it for them? Get to know them, who they are, what they do, and what they might be interested in. What can YOU do to reciprocate? Is there a project you could work on with them? What other interests do they have that you can also help them with? Or are they ALSO interested in some self-discovery/development , and you could reciprocate the mentoring/mentorship?

Get specific

Consider the kinds of things that make it EASY for them to say “yes” – reciprocation

Being the Mentor

1)      Know the value of relationships – human contact; be approachable, easy-going, sense of humor – remember you have 1 job as mentor – Every single individual is trying to sharpen and figure out what your compass bearings are – who are you authentically? A great mentor will help you surface this information.  A good mentor may ask you a question that makes you squirm a little bit, but it will help you internalize and dig deeper and help you grow.

2)      We’ve all shot ourselves in the foot – share the kinds of things you’ve learned so others don’t HAVE to make the mistake you made.

3)      Be clear – what are you measuring the success of the mentorship by? What are the expectations of how the mentee moves forward? How do you measure the growth of the mentee? You want/need a mentor who will challenge you, will help you set goals, and help you measure your progress. A good mentor will hold you accountable.

4)      Be flexible – be ready to take on multiple roles – mentor, coach, cheerleader, counselor. What the mentee needs is what you are.

5)      Lead the Boundaries/Choices discussion – how far, how deep are you willing to go in the discussion? Some of us have a learning mindset, and some are closed. If we are open to others way of thinking, we can receive feedback. If we believe we’re doing the right thing, it may be harder to receive feedback/other perspectives. Each individual has their own filters/truths by which they operate. Until you start exploring the DIFFERENCES of those filters/beliefs/truths, you don’t SEE/LEARN from them.

6)      Learning style – (think pyramid… each style is MORE effective than the one above it). What works best for YOU? What works best for the other person? Mix it up.

a.       Lecture

b.      Reading

c.       A-V

d.      Demonstration

e.      Discussion

f.        Practice doing

g.       Teach others (most effective way to learn)

Mentoring Partnership Skills

Mentor Skills:

Coaching – such as no ego, focusing on strengths, constructive

Supporting, encouraging, seeing opportunities – positive feedback; seeing the big picture

Feedback, feed forward – honesty; directness with tact; empathy; set clear expectations

Building trust – lessons learned; vulnerability; confidentiality

Updating reality – candor; transparency

ProtégéeSkills:

Looking inside – like self-assessment tests, reflective, knows their personality traits (Myers Briggs); self-aware

Learning – takes notes, reads everything; be able to study/be willing

Initiating, Committing & Follow Through – makes the appointments, sends the “follow-up” email; do what you say; be proactive/take the lead

Listening – notes; nodding/eye contact; repeating back; asking questions; shut your mouth

Change-agility – “try on” what is offered to see if it works/fits; go outside your comfort zone

Commit

Commit to get the mentor(s) you need.

It is more important to choose uncomfortable than regret. Have the uncomfortable conversations  -- do not REGRET the missing the conversations.

BIG JOURNEYS BEGIN WITH SMALL STEPS.